September 2011 Retreat: Fishbowl Query 1

Query 1: Do you feel like you have to step outside yourself as you enter QLSP circles? Do you feel true to yourself inside of QLSP?

·         I feel that I have to be true to myself inside of QLSP or else I am not upholding the integrity of the community. There are times in which I don’t feel comfortable voicing things about my life that may not live up with Quaker values. 

·         No, I feel as if I step inside myself in hopes to stay true to myself and others in QLSP

·         In some ways I feel more true to myself by making time intentionally for silence and community. Even though I sometimes don’t feel like being spiritual when the space is provided. A good challenge.

·         Yes, but sometimes I need to intentionally emphasize certain parts of my personality to make a situation run smoothly.

·         I am a Quaker and so am most true to myself in Quaker circles, especially QLSP.

·         Yes. I absolutely feel that I can be true to myself in QLSP. In fact, I feel like I  can be more truthful to myself in QLSP than in many other places.

·         I use to think that I needed to act like a stereotypical religious person to be accepted but I have learned to be myself and comfortable to trust.  

·         Yes because at times the beliefs are not what I expected and majority of the times I don’t benefit in any kind of way apart from getting food!

·         Sometimes I am fearful of sharing the part of myself that I love the most with others: the part that comes up in solitude. Often it’s easy for me to be myself in QLSP, especially in year level and committees. I feel like I can bring that loving part of myself along. 

·         My Quaker self stays with me always

·         I think I am more myself at QLSP so rather than step out I step into myself. At QLSP I am vulnerable and true to myself. Outside I close up and act tough. 

·         By accepting myself for who I am and reminding myself I am who I am. Then remind myself that those unable to accept that are not my friends.

·         I feel that QLSP receives me and nurtures the condition I am in. Although sometimes it is hard to find an intersection between my communities, other than myself. 

·         No, I feel that the me everyone sees in QLSP is the same me I am everywhere else. I do struggle with being open in QLSP but feel that it has become a welcoming community for me. 

·         In QLSP (or Quaker communities) I am most at home and most myself. A sense of belonging and love comes from these communities. 

·         Though I sometimes feel secure in my beliefs and my identity as a Quaker, I sometimes feel I have to step outside my beliefs to be able to participate in discussions, or I feel like an outsider if I stay true to myself. 

·         I am trying to be true to myself everywhere. QLSP friends do not have a deciding effect on this, but do often help me feel grounded, centered, loved. 

·         Not always – but I feel like worship helps me feel more comfortable in my skin. The community lends itself to safety for me. 

·         Although I am not usually comfortable opening up to new people, I find that I don’t really mind it here. It is an encouraging and safe group. 

·         In QLSP, I am a version of myself that no one outside of QLSP knows, and a version that I only see when I look deeply into the mirror. In the Quaker Light, I am most truly illuminated.

September 2011 Retreat: Fishbowl Query 2

Query 2: What generalizations or labels do you feel placed on you?

·         Wallflower

·         They change from day to day, and usually after reflection, I can liberate myself from them, the worst ones I place on myself. 

·         I don’t think I am noticed enough to have a label placed on me. 

·         Feminine, delicate, sweet, nice, earnest, a good person, maternal, a nurturer, a caretaker, a lover, privileged, successful, needy. 

·         Because I choose not to drink, some label me as “boring” and ask what it is I “do for fun.” Others assume I am a conservative Christian or “strict.” None of which I feel describe me. 

·         In classes I sometimes feel my intelligence is assumed to be less than one of my male peers. I’m also stereotyped as a partier because of how I look, and my past actions, but now I am more likely to be in my room doing homework on a Saturday night than out drinking.  I also feel pressure to succeed coming from all angles: professors, staff, friends, and family…My high expectations for myself have lead other to design my future, and my path to get there, for me. 

·         I can’t think of any.

·         I don’t know if they are always placed on me. At times I place them on myself: maternal and caring which means to some that I would never be inconsiderate or mean.

·         Privileged, hippie, poor, home schooled, white, shy, reserved, loving, empathetic, diligent. Labels are what I most don’t like. 

·         I feel when people see me they think I’m antisocial and boring. 

·         I think sometimes people assume that I don’t have much to say because I am not a very talkative person in some situations. 

·         “Hippie” “Oats” “Amish”

·         Dramatic, lazy, apathetic 

·         Quaker, Hippie, Farmer, Home schooled, Busy, Slightly serious, Spacey, Tough 

September 2011 Retreat: Fishbowl Query 3

 Query 3: How can I be fully present in every circumstance without compromising a part of me?

Breathe deeply, move slowly, listen carefully, ask questions, always be honest, let go of guilt.

·         This has never been an issue for me. When I am fully present, the group will have all of me. When I am not, it will have none. All or nothing – Olivia Louis Holmes

·         I do not know if I am ever fully present. I do not know when I am compromising myself.

·         By knowing what circumstances are part of me and what aren’t I can stay true to myself by engaging where I am called.

·         In order to be fully present I have to stop worrying about what others think of me. When I stop worrying about being judged then I can truly be present and honest to the community I am a part of. 

·         I can be fully present by believing in myself, knowing my strengths, knowing I have strengths. Also interacting with others can help gound me as well as centering exercises.

·         This is something I have been thinking a lot about. I do not know the answer. The step I try to take however is to be constantly checking in with myself. 

·         I need to practice being present, recognize when I am, and do it in a way that speaks to what I believe. It’ll take time. 

·         It starts with learning to be present. I don’t think I’ve fully figured that one out yet.

·         In order to be fully present I have to take the time to slow down and collect myself

·         I struggle with this question a lot, and have not found a solution.

·         I do not feel like being present should need compromising. 

·         Embrace myself which includes beliefs and actions. 

·         To be fully present for me is a goal to be strived for. Period. To do so without any self-compromising takes an open mind and patience in a situation where my views may differ.

·         Realistically, I probably can’t. I love too many things in this world and many times that leads to compromising some values to fulfill others. I need to take more patience and time for careful thought before big actions or decisions. – Nate Secrest  

·         If I want to be present, I have to be passionate about it. Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of what is really important, but if I stay true to myself and my beliefs then I find myself present in whatever way I can.

·         Its hard to feel like the same person in ever circumstance, although I hold onto my values and sense of self whether I am at worship with QLSP or at a party later that night.

·         The times I feel least present is when I am alone. I look for distractions to keep me from having to look at myself, within myself without the love and support of community. I am completely part of a whole. –Rose McIntyre

·         I can’t when self-care becomes an issue. If I’m really hurting, being present is something no the right thing. But in other circumstances, I listen for my light and look for the Light in others. 

·         I can attempt to be fully present without compromising by attempting to create a predetermined understanding of beliefs and morals that stem from love and are carried out with sincerity and integrity. Act out of kindness.

September 2011 Retreat: Fishbowl Query 4

Query 4: Are our communities able to receive us as we are, as our most integrated self?

What would my life look like if the “self” was “fully integrated”? I must receive myself before my communities have that chance.

·         I am often quiet, so I cannot tell if I am being accepted or ignored.

.

·         Sometimes I feel like I am held to a different standard, one where I am supposed to lead and elder. This leaves me scared to take risks – in life, in Love, with Spirit. I want to feel like all of me is held by my community even when I fall.

·         I am terrified that they are not able to. I think this is a big part of why I say I am terrified of people – I don’t believe that my communities truly accept all parts of me. 

·         I think it depends on what an individual is willing to give to the community.

·         With a pessimistic mindset, no. Each community that we are part of will fully accept us, but in our hearts and minds we must work to shine the light that is within each of us. 

·         So far, yes. Two more years until I find out who I really am. 

·         In community, we must be willing and able to accept diversity. That means being open to ideas, beliefs, lifestyles, and values that we don’t agree with, can’t relate to, make us uncomfortable and test our understanding of acceptance. 

·         Certain times, certain communities can accept me as I am, then there are others that cannot. I am too different and strange to them. I wish it were otherwise. There are times where they can handle all, or nothing, or some. It is also a question of how comfortable I am in the community and how much of myself it feels safe to share.

·         I feel that my community may receive a great deal of me, but reaching that point of being my most integrated self remains inside my own mind. I want the community to see me, but I don’t fully know how to let her out yet. 

·         Only if both sides want to.

·         Yes, I feel accepted. That’s one of the biggest reasons why I’m part of these communities. Community is what got me hooked on Quakerism and Ultimate…but that’s another story – Nate Secrest 

·         Part of my decision to live my life transparently means I try not to keep things from others, as I have in the past. My communities are accepting of who I am and I can say this because I keep nothing from them.

·        
      I would hope so but I have yet to feel that with this community. 

·         What we bring to the table is one thing. But what others are able to accept is often an unknown in the beginning. Come as you are with no reservations and you will often find the answers and friends you seek. – Olivia Louis Holmes

·         My communities all accept and love different parts of me. I have only found one community which I believe truly loves me fully. In QLSP there are still some topics that feel dangerous. That is to say that I would not feel comfortable sharing them.